In 1926, H.L. Reese put chocolate from a factory near his home in Hershey, Pennsylvania, on a piece of peanut butter candy. Soon after, he made the first peanut butter cup and opened his own factory. He bought Hershey chocolate through a close business relationship with the company.
Nearly a century later, his great-grandson Bill Reese decided to end the relationship, citing Hershey’s newfound “wokeness” as the reason.
“It looks like there will be two types of candy in America: woke and regular,” said Bill. We want our candy to be normal, so we’re switching to Nestle chocolate.”
Nestle will cost a little more because it has to be shipped from its plant in Morocco, but the two companies hope to work together for a long time and make a lot of money.
Joe Barron, the CEO of Hershey, says he wishes he could change his mind about wokeness, but it’s too late. He told reporters, “It looks like we’ll join M&Ms on this one. People still need woke s’mores.”
Analysts at Pew Research say it’s unlikely that Hershey will lose its spot as the best chocolate for s’mores unless Nestle comes up with a chocolate bar quickly. “Melting marshmallows don’t work as well with mortars,” said lead researcher Art Tubolls. “Several children have burned themselves during testing.”
Nestle said that it might make a s’mores bar to fill the void until Hershey is bought by someone else. God bless the U.S.A.