I’m Sarah (25), and I’ve been married to my husband David (28) for a year. I’m an only child, but my best friend Tania has always filled that sister role for me—we basically grew up side by side. After college, Tania married her long-time boyfriend, but they’ve had a difficult journey trying to conceive. After countless tests and painful treatments, she learned that although she still produces healthy eggs, she can’t carry a pregnancy due to a uterine condition. Surrogacy is now her only option.
Tania recently opened up to me about all of this, and without hesitating, I offered to be her surrogate. Just last week, I went to an appointment with her, and after a full medical exam and consultation, her doctor confirmed that I’m physically able to carry the baby.
In the middle of all this, my husband suddenly brought up wanting to start our own family. When we got married, we agreed to wait 3–4 years until we were financially stable and had our own home before having kids. So I told him, “I’ve already promised Tania that I would be her surrogate, and I can’t back out now.”
He looked stunned. He asked, “When were you planning to tell me? I’m your husband—I should be part of this decision.” I told him that I didn’t think I needed his permission because it’s my body. That made him upset. He said, “You can’t just decide to carry someone else’s child without talking to me about it. This should be a joint decision.” Then he went quiet for a moment before saying something that shocked me: “If that’s how it is, maybe I won’t be involved—or maybe I won’t be in your life at all.”
I know this isn’t something most husbands would easily accept, but I also feel deeply committed to helping my best friend. Still, his mention of divorce has made me question whether I should have discussed it with him before agreeing. I’d really appreciate advice on how to handle this situation.