I asked my mother if she could help care for my newborn so I could return to work once my maternity leave ends. For context, my mom is 64, has been a stay-at-home parent since 1992, and hasn’t held a job since then. She refused, saying she was too old and had already finished raising her own children. She also told me that if I really wanted this baby, I should stay home with the child just like she did, while my partner works and supports us “like a traditional family.” According to her, if she and my dad managed that arrangement, then we should be able to as well.
The problem is, my husband and I simply cannot survive on one income. I’m the main earner, and I feel responsible for going back to work—not only because my job is more stable, but because my salary is what keeps us financially afloat. We currently live in a small one-bedroom apartment in a big city, and we need to save up to eventually move to a two-bedroom place as the baby grows.
When I explained all this to my mother, she said she would only babysit if I paid her $20 an hour, plus late fees if we picked up the baby late. She also insisted that if she were to watch the baby at her house, we would need to provide a second set of baby gear—car seat, stroller, bottles, and duplicates of nearly everything we use at home. But I’m trying to save money to pay down debt, and buying double supplies—or paying her hourly—would push us even further into financial trouble.
Now I’m considering enrolling my baby in an infant daycare instead, since it would actually cost less and is much closer to our home. Neither my husband nor I can work remotely, so childcare is an immediate necessity. Other relatives can’t help because they also work full-time.
So I’m torn—does asking my mom, who is home all day (and honestly spends most of her time watching TV and cooking), to watch my daughter for free really make me a bad person?