Having a child dramatically changes a parent’s life, requiring them to adjust to a completely new daily routine. However, in this case, the mother is determined to continue living her youthful, single lifestyle, taking her baby with her everywhere she goes. This decision is beginning to wear on her friends.
Here’s the story from one of her friends’ perspective:
Anna, one of my close friends, gave birth about six months ago. None of us in the group have children, and before the baby, we spent a lot of time together. However, once Anna started bringing the baby everywhere, it began to change the dynamics. The baby, being a baby, had constant needs—like sleep—and this disrupted our gatherings. Her baby was often fussy and cried a lot, making it difficult for everyone to enjoy themselves. As a result, we started meeting up without her and the baby.
Recently, we decided to take a staycation. We posted pictures on social media to show how much fun we were having. Anna saw the posts and called me, asking why she wasn’t invited. I tried to explain that it was a last-minute trip and the resort didn’t allow children. However, she quickly pointed out photos of other families with children at the resort, revealing my excuse wasn’t truthful.
I finally admitted the real reason: we didn’t want to spend time with her baby. I told her that, as young adults, we didn’t want our activities centered around her child. I suggested she could come along, but only if she left the baby at home. She became upset, sending a message to our group chat, accusing us of excluding her because she was a mother.
Now, half of our group is upset with me for being honest with her, while the other half agrees she’s being unreasonable. I’m now wondering if it was a mistake to tell her the truth.
The response:
“You tried to make it easier for her, but she kept pushing for something that didn’t work for everyone. She’s gone through a major life change, and maybe she needs to find a new group of friends who share her current interests. You’re not excluding her because she’s a mother, but because she refuses to separate herself from the demands of motherhood when it makes things difficult for everyone else. If she wants to keep partying with friends, she either needs to find childcare or connect with other parents. She should’ve realized before having a baby that things would change. Did she expect nothing to be different after becoming a mother?”
“I have two kids, and I totally understand. It’s my responsibility to manage my kids so that my social life isn’t disrupted. I make sure to find childcare or ask, ‘Is this a kid-friendly event?’ If I can’t find a sitter, I’ll pass on a night out and join the next one. Parenting isn’t easy, but it’s something both parents need to recognize and adjust to.”
Becoming a parent is a life-altering experience. It requires rearranging priorities, testing patience, and adapting in ways you never expected. Both parents need to understand that these changes affect all aspects of their life, including friendships and social events.