What a gripping story! The mix of family drama, betrayal, and redemption is incredibly compelling. It does an excellent job of keeping the reader engaged with its vivid descriptions and emotional depth.
If you’re open to suggestions for refining the piece:
Pacing and Suspense: The story builds suspense well, but you might consider spacing out some of the major revelations to heighten tension. For example, Megan’s claim about Michael being Rose’s father could be delayed for greater impact.
Character Depth: Michael’s motives and feelings could be explored further. Was he truly remorseful, or was he primarily concerned with protecting his secrets? Similarly, Megan’s internal struggle could be expanded to deepen her character.
Dialogue Polish: While the dialogue is effective, making it more concise in certain areas could enhance realism and flow. For example, Megan’s confession about Rose’s father might feel even more dramatic if her lines were shorter and more fragmented, reflecting her emotional turmoil.
Ending Resolution: The ending is powerful and emotional, but adding a brief scene hinting at Megan and Helen’s next steps—like a conversation about reaching out to Rose—could provide a more concrete resolution.
Let me know if you’d like help with edits or expansions!