When people fall in love, they often believe it’s for a lifetime. But as life proves time and again, things don’t always work out as planned, and separations happen.
One husband, looking for what he thought was an “easier” way to break things off with his wife, decided to write her a letter explaining why he wanted to leave. Confident in his decision, he never anticipated his wife’s witty response would turn the tables and teach him a lesson he wouldn’t forget.
Here’s how the exchange unfolded:
Dear Wife,
I’m writing this letter to let you know I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good husband to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it.
The last couple of weeks have been unbearable. Your boss informed me you quit your job today, and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, cooked your favorite meal, and wore brand-new silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, then went straight to bed after watching your soaps. You don’t say you love me anymore; we’ve lost all connection as husband and wife.
You’re either cheating on me or you’ve stopped loving me. Either way, I’m done.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving to West Virginia together. Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing made my day more than receiving your letter. Yes, we’ve been married for seven years, but let’s not fool ourselves – calling you a “good man” is a bit of a stretch.
I watch my TV shows so often because they help drown out your constant whining and complaining, though even that doesn’t always work.
I did notice your haircut last week, but my first thought was, “You look just like a girl.” Since my mother taught me not to say anything if I couldn’t say something nice, I kept quiet.
As for your “favorite meal” gesture, I think you confused me with my sister, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
And about those silk boxers? I turned away not out of disinterest but because the $49.99 price tag was still attached. Funny enough, my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
Despite all this, I still believed we could work things out. That’s why, when I hit the $10 million lotto jackpot, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I suppose. My lawyer assured me your letter guarantees you won’t see a cent of my winnings.
So, here’s to your new life. I truly hope it’s everything you dreamed of.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t think I ever mentioned this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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