Adoption: A Journey of Struggles and Triumphs
“When we first decided to adopt a child from the orphanage, I couldn’t shake the growing sadness I felt. As we went through the paperwork, spent time at the orphanage, and waited for the decision, we believed we were making the right choice.
But as time went on, I found myself questioning everything. Sometimes, I longed to sleep in on weekends, but my husband, up early making coffee, would wake me with the hum of the grinder. Our son, Ivan, would yell at him, “Dad, please turn it off! You’re waking up Mom!” Meanwhile, my husband would ignore him, and I’d hear Ivan’s tiny voice, “Mommy, Daddy’s going to wake you up, but I’ll bring you some cotton balls to cover your ears.” I’d be nearly in tears, fully awake now, in the middle of it all.
Although we had adopted Ivan, there were moments when we considered returning him. His behavior was hard to understand, and we just couldn’t figure out why he was acting that way.
At first, I didn’t embrace the decision to adopt. During the process of paperwork, visits to the orphanage, and the long wait for approval, we were convinced we were doing the right thing. But, as time went on, we faced the reality of our own pride and expectations. We had envisioned ourselves as heroes, expecting gratitude from the child, from everyone, which felt strange.
At four years old, we chose to adopt Ivan. Doctors had told us we couldn’t have biological children. After two unsuccessful abortions in my youth, each with devastating consequences, in vitro fertilization seemed not only expensive but daunting, with uncertain results. So, my husband Anton and I decided to bring joy to a child who had no family, thinking we were doing a kind thing. But it wasn’t easy.
For the first few months, the experience felt like a nightmare. We were on the verge of returning Ivan to the orphanage because his behavior was so difficult. He would insult us, throw things, and even flip his plate at lunch to test our reactions. We began to wonder if we should take him back. Wouldn’t he be better off there? Why didn’t he love us?
It just so happened that we took Ivan home in late October, and by New Year’s Eve, things started to shift. The Christmas tree, the gifts, and visits to relatives with children helped him settle down. He asked, “Will we come back for New Year’s Eve next year?” I told him, “Of course, we will!” That might have given him the reassurance that we weren’t leaving him behind.
As his temper subsided, we began to connect, but it took an entire year. By then, we had truly gotten to know each other. However, he didn’t turn out to be the ideal child. Still, he tries so hard. The most important thing now is that he feels our love. He is the most precious thing to me. I may not have loved him immediately, and he could have sensed that, which may have explained his early behavior.
Remember, it won’t be easy bringing a child from an orphanage into your home. These children aren’t always “easy to manage.” Everything about you and your response to them will be tested.”