I still can’t believe this has happened, and I feel completely lost and exhausted. I never imagined my husband could do something like this after everything we’ve shared. English isn’t my first language, and I’m still in shock, so please forgive any mistakes in my writing. I’m just venting—I feel broken. I’ve never posted on Reddit before; I’ve only read other people’s stories.
Some background: I’m 44F, and my husband is 45M. We’ve been married for 20 years and have four children together—Shane (23F), Bea (22F), Charles (17M), and Ivan (13M). All of our children are adopted because I am unable to carry a child, but I love them as if they were my biological children.
My husband and I have always had a strong, loving relationship. We met in high school, dated throughout, and married in college. We rarely fight because we address issues openly and work to preserve our bond. We have date nights, and our kids often cringe at how affectionate we are. We both have fulfilling careers—my husband works in tech, and I held a high-level position at a call center—allowing us to provide a comfortable life for our family. We’ve always shared deep intimacy and trust; we are each other’s first in everything.
So imagine my shock when, this morning, my husband told me he had a one-night stand with a co-worker nine years ago, which resulted in a son.
He explained that it happened while I was away on a trip with friends. He claimed he was feeling lonely and stressed about a work project but didn’t want to bother me while I was away. He said it was a mistake, never intended to happen, and never happened again. According to him, he and the woman acknowledged their mistake and didn’t interact outside of work projects. She eventually left the company two months later, and they never saw each other again.
Now, he revealed that her parents contacted him a month ago to inform him that she had given birth to a boy. They cannot care for the child because of their age, and she is currently in jail. They wanted him to take responsibility for the child so he could provide a stable home.
I felt numb as he explained his plan to convert one of our guest rooms for the boy and introduce him to our children as their new brother. He insisted that I would love the child because he shares our interests, like anime, and that he resembles my husband. He seemed thrilled about the boy, seeing him as “a good kid” who would appreciate having loving parents—meaning us.
I don’t know what to do. I recognize that the boy is innocent and didn’t choose his parents, yet I feel hurt and resentful because my husband knew about him for a month and hid it from me. The fact that he is biologically my husband’s child—something I could never give him—makes me feel inadequate and conflicted.
Currently, I’m locked in our bedroom, needing to cry alone. My husband keeps asking me to come out, but I can’t. I don’t want to care for the child or see the result of my husband’s infidelity, yet I pity the boy.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Edit: He has already taken a paternity test, which confirmed that the boy is indeed his biological son.