Hearing Elon Musk say that the greatest threat to humanity is depopulation really opened my eyes. After doing some research, I realized that depopulation is a hidden, but major, danger for our future. Last year alone, 620,000 people left Japan, and in the United States, the population has been declining faster than it can naturally replenish since the 1970s.
While immigration affects these numbers, the biggest factor is that the death rate now outpaces the birth rate. Ultimately, only individuals can decide whether or not to have children. However, in recent years, more and more people are choosing not to. Some studies show that the shift from the freedom of “freelance” living to becoming a parent can put real strain on a marriage, especially after the birth of the first child.
Bringing a child into the world requires careful consideration because it brings a heavy load of stress and responsibility. If someone isn’t truly ready, it can create tension between partners and negatively impact the well-being of both the parents and the child. On Reddit, we came across a heartfelt letter from an older woman who chose not to have children, and it’s something everyone should read.
Here’s what she wrote:
A Message to Young Adults Who Don’t Want Children:
“I might be the oldest person posting here. A young woman recently introduced me to this site, and over the past few weeks, I’ve spent time reading your posts and comments. Many made me smile. Some made me sad. It seems that a lot of you are here seeking reassurance for the life choice you’re making. Finding a supportive community matters—and I completely understand.
So, allow me just five minutes to explain why, based on my life experience, I believe your decision is a good one.
Over 50 years ago, I got married. At that time, it was very unusual to decide not to have children. We kept it private—saying, ‘We’re trying’ for a while, and later, ‘We can’t have kids.’ It was easier that way. If we had openly said, ‘We just don’t want them,’ it would have caused tension with family and friends.
Those 50 years together were wonderful. We had fulfilling careers, financial security, hobbies we loved, a close group of friends, and adored our nieces and nephews. If I could go back, I would absolutely make the same choice again. No question.
Throughout my life, I’ve observed people fall into a few groups:
Group A: Those who have kids, and everything turns out wonderfully. They have a happy, fulfilling life.
Group B: Those who have children but struggle. Some even express regret, wishing they could have started over without kids.
Group C: Those who deeply love their children but are heartbroken when the kids grow up and move away, leaving an empty nest.
Group D: Those who never had children. I didn’t know many, but I can say they always seemed the most content and satisfied.
Of course, there are very happy people in Group A too. But in my experience, Group D consistently seemed the happiest.
Ten years ago, my husband passed away. I grieved deeply, and I still miss him every day. But because my life was not centered around children, I had built a wide network of friends and activities that helped me heal and move forward. I now have a new partner and continue to lead a full, joyful life.
Meanwhile, many friends who had children and lost their spouses found themselves feeling neglected and hurt because their children, understandably busy with their own lives, couldn’t give them the time and attention they craved. Some of them felt an invisible ‘debt’—expecting payback for all the love, time, and resources they had poured into their kids.
Often, their personal hobbies and passions had withered away because everything had revolved around their families. One friend described the ’empty nest’ feeling to me perfectly: ‘It’s like being dumped by the love of your life after 20 or 30 years—but staying friends. It’s never the same again.’
Today, I live happily in a retirement home with my own room, wonderful friends, and an active, engaging life. A young woman I met here asked me many questions about living child-free, and she was the one who introduced me to this site.”